The Art Of Coming Back To Yourself
Recently I turned 25, and if I could say anything to my younger self is that it’s okay to not feel like yourself all the time, our relationship to our highest self is not settled, growth comes with a non linear path, I would picture it more like a spiral, there is no peak, just a constant state of moving forward, and that comes with ups and downs, the key is to learn to accept both, I’ve spent so many years celebrating the good moments and running away from the not so fun moments, but the truth is, it’s a valley of learning and mastering, there must be rain for flowers to bloom.
The pivot comes in a moment of awareness, because when we are in a slump, we don’t really realize. But joy has the habit of finding its way back, and in the same way, we can’t go on for too long missing our spark, at some point the call for returning home to ourselves is loud enough for us to take action.
In these moments it’s really important to have a set of habits that you can rely on, an inevitable part of growth is learning how we work in relationship to ourselves, knowing what works and what doesn't, and if you still don't have your own list, here are some of the things that I do to feel like myself again.
Start with your body, not your to-do list
You can't think your way out of this one, which is annoying because thinking is usually our first move. The nervous system doesn't really respond to logic, it responds to sensation. Breathing properly, hand on your chest, feet on the floor, does more in two minutes than an hour of trying to reason with yourself about why you feel off.
This is also why movement helps in a way that scrolling never does. Just something that puts you back in your body. A walk with your phone left at home. Stretching before bed. Yoga where you're paying attention to your breath instead of watching yourself in the mirror.
Check what you're soothing yourself with
Worth being honest here. What are you reaching for at the end of the day, and is it genuinely relaxing you, or is it just familiar? If your wind-down routine is three episodes of true crime, it's fair to ask why stories about harm are what settles your nervous system. A lot of the time it comes down to how you grew up. If your house ran on stress, actual calm can feel boring, or even fake, because your body never learned what safe was supposed to feel like. Sitting with that discomfort instead of avoiding it is usually the real move, not another clever workaround.
Stop protecting other people's peace
Ask yourself: whose peace are you actually keeping? A lot of us were taught early that staying quiet kept things calm, that speaking up would cause a problem, that our job was to make life easier for everyone else even when it cost us something. But the peace you're protecting by staying small usually isn't yours. It belongs to whoever benefits from you not saying anything.
Let yourself be bored occasionally
Every spare minute tends to get filled these days. A podcast for the commute, something on in the background while you eat, a scroll while you're waiting for the kettle. But it's often in the unfilled bits that you actually meet yourself again. Leave one part of your day properly empty and see what comes up.
Feeding yourself properly isn't indulgent
Self-care as a phrase has been diluted to the point of meaning almost nothing. It's not just a tool for other people's needs, you’re someone who's actually allowed to receive good things too. Eating properly, sleeping enough, not running entirely on caffeine and adrenaline, isn't treating yourself. It's closer to basic maintenance you've probably been skipping. And the feeling of deserving it tends to come after you start doing it, not before.
Guard the small windows
The coffee before anyone else is up. The walk between the train and the office. The last ten minutes before you fall asleep. These are the moments disconnection usually creeps in through, and also where it's easiest to start coming back. You don't need a whole new routine. Just some actual attention during the bits you already have.
You're not just the job or the relationship draining you
If you're stuck somewhere that's slowly wearing you down, whether it's work or a relationship, it can start to feel like that thing is all you are. There's a version of you that exists separately from that job title, separately from what anyone currently thinks of you.
Whatever happens with the situation, that person is still there underneath it and still worth looking after in the meantime.
Actually let someone in
There's a difference between updating people and being known by them. If you've been on autopilot for a while, it's worth asking whether anyone around you knows how you're actually doing, rather than the version of you that shows up on time and replies to texts eventually.
And if what you're feeling is heavier than flat, more persistent, harder to name, that's worth saying to an actual professional rather than working through alone. A good therapist gives you something even your closest friend can't, which is somewhere to fall apart.
None of this is a fix you do once. Some weeks you'll feel present, other weeks you'll notice you've drifted off again, and that's not a failure, it's just how it goes. The point isn't to arrive somewhere and stay there. It's just to keep noticing when you've left.
